I had to run a few errands today including a stop at the mall. So, I took Joey with me as a chance to spend some one-on-one time with her. WOW! It was a blast. We didn't do anything terribly exciting (although the cookie factory was pretty pleasant for both of us). As we were walking back to the car through Macy's she was unable to hold my hand due to needing both hands to eat the candy I bought her at the Hallmark store. Anyway, I looked down at her and was just amazed at how much she's grown and what a totally cool kid she has become. At 4 1/2 years of age, she can be downright silly most of the time. But, she has these moments when I look at her and see the glimpses of the incredible young lady she will become. In many ways I dread her growing up and facing the inevitable pain that she will face in her life. But, at the same time, it is an amazing gift to see this young flower unfolding right before our eyes.
Of course, that was a brief glimpse of who Joey is and who she is becoming and it does give me great pleasure and hope to witness it. But then again, as I was reading her a bedtime story tonight and she was insistent that she was a jaguar and not a human and spent most of the story time licking her "Paws" and growling, I see that we are still a long way off from full maturity. Still a joy none-the-less and it is moments like all of these that make fatherhood such a gift!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Another Goodbye
My father was buried this past week... In 43 years of life, I cannot remember a time that he ever told me that he loved me, or that he was proud of me. But, I heard other people tell me what a great person he was at the funeral. I hope and pray that my children do not have to hear from other people at my death how "good" I am.
I will not allow my children to go to bed at night without telling them that I love them, nor will I miss an opportunity to remind them how wonderful they are and how proud I am of them. My sadness is not so much for my own loss (you cannot lose what you never really had). My sadness is that my father never chose to have a relationship with me other than sharing a roof and a dinner table when I was growing up. My mother told me several years before she died that my father never loved anyone but himself. I actually doubt if he even loved himself. I cannot think of another reason why someone would be so totally focused on the accumulation of “things” and have so little regard for the people in his life.
We learn from our parents to be sure... either what TO DO or what NOT to do. I am thankful that I also had role models who taught me to love the Lord above all else and to share that love with others. The absence of a Godly father in my life has more than been compensated and I do my best to live up to a far higher standard for my own life. I fall short of that goal daily if not several times each day, but it does not excuse me from keeping up the attempts to do it right!
I will not allow my children to go to bed at night without telling them that I love them, nor will I miss an opportunity to remind them how wonderful they are and how proud I am of them. My sadness is not so much for my own loss (you cannot lose what you never really had). My sadness is that my father never chose to have a relationship with me other than sharing a roof and a dinner table when I was growing up. My mother told me several years before she died that my father never loved anyone but himself. I actually doubt if he even loved himself. I cannot think of another reason why someone would be so totally focused on the accumulation of “things” and have so little regard for the people in his life.
We learn from our parents to be sure... either what TO DO or what NOT to do. I am thankful that I also had role models who taught me to love the Lord above all else and to share that love with others. The absence of a Godly father in my life has more than been compensated and I do my best to live up to a far higher standard for my own life. I fall short of that goal daily if not several times each day, but it does not excuse me from keeping up the attempts to do it right!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)