Another Goodbye

My father was buried this past week... In 43 years of life, I cannot remember a time that he ever told me that he loved me, or that he was proud of me. But, I heard other people tell me what a great person he was at the funeral. I hope and pray that my children do not have to hear from other people at my death how "good" I am.

I will not allow my children to go to bed at night without telling them that I love them, nor will I miss an opportunity to remind them how wonderful they are and how proud I am of them. My sadness is not so much for my own loss (you cannot lose what you never really had). My sadness is that my father never chose to have a relationship with me other than sharing a roof and a dinner table when I was growing up. My mother told me several years before she died that my father never loved anyone but himself. I actually doubt if he even loved himself. I cannot think of another reason why someone would be so totally focused on the accumulation of “things” and have so little regard for the people in his life.

We learn from our parents to be sure... either what TO DO or what NOT to do. I am thankful that I also had role models who taught me to love the Lord above all else and to share that love with others. The absence of a Godly father in my life has more than been compensated and I do my best to live up to a far higher standard for my own life. I fall short of that goal daily if not several times each day, but it does not excuse me from keeping up the attempts to do it right!