Family, The Farm, and The Future

Yesterday was the auction of my mother's farm... It was incredibly painful to see it sold to the highest bidder. My mother's wishes were to keep that farm in the family and keep it running as a whole cohesive unit. But, things change and people turn out to be something other than you thought they were and the wishes of people who precede us in death are not always followed. As a result, the farm is now gone, it has been sold to multiple buyers and now all that is left are the memories of times spent there enjoying the serenity and beauty of God's creation. I have some wonderful pictures taken down through the years and I have great memories growing up enjoying that farm with family and friends. I suppose that is all I will have now. But, someday, perhaps, it will be enough to have those memories.

Last night was strange for me. I watched the bidding wars and I watched the people with far more money than me take action to buy something for themselves and I was saddened not only by the loss of the farm, but by the further breakdown of my family of origin... and also by the fact that these people who were jockeying for a piece of property have nothing more significant to attach their lives to than a mere ownership of "things". I have been forced by the actions of others to distance myself from most of my family of origin and that is a tragedy. I have felt guilty, at times, over my eagerness to turn my back and walk away from the family. However, the more I witness of the greed and the downright insanity of this group of people, I am feeling less and less guilty and more and more at peace with the inevitable seperation from these people. I will still continue to pray for them to find a relationship with Christ. But, at the same time, I will allow them the space needed to live their own lives and will expect the same in return. We will be moving in a few short weeks, and I still have not decided if I want to give them my forwarding address or not. I sense that doing so would only be more painful down the road... But, I continue to wonder if perhaps I should leave the ball in their court by sharing that information with them... Maybe I will wait a while after we move and continue to see if perhaps God leads me to share that information with them at some later date.

All the while, I wonder, why life has to be so complicated. Were it not for people and relationships with them, life would clearly be more simple. But then again, if we never took risks, we would never know true joy and peace either... Hmm... Another paradox. Seems there are more paradoxes than absolutes in life for me these days.

Once again, I have to say that I value more than words can describe the absolute love I feel for my wife and my children... In the midst of it all. God has blessed me more than I could ever deserve with these who are my reason for living!