My oh my, how we can be faced with sudden reminders of the dysfunction from whence we came. My sister from Alabama called me today and then I called my father to try to glean some understanding of just how messed up things are in my family since my mother's death.
I think those conversations ended with more questions than answers. I was reminded by those conversations just how rare a commodity the truth is in the family of my birth. People often create for themselves false constructs of reality in order to justify their feelings or to feel better about the way they have lived their lives and it amazes me just how much they actually believe these lies that they tell themselves.
Of course, we all want to feel better about ourselves than we deserve to feel. But, I never really believed that people would do some of the things this group of people have done in order to justify actions that they have taken. It is appalling and it brings up the pain again for those of us who are trying to stand for truth. Ultimately, I know there is justice (at least in the eternal sense). But, my struggle is with how I can have peace in the interim while I watch people get away with blatant disregard for truth. It proves to me that this world really is under the control of darkness and makes me hunger at the deepest of levels for the day when righteousness and truth finally do prevail. While there is nearly immeasurable pain at times for me in all of this junk... At many levels, it does make me yearn for God's kingdom to come in all of its fullness... I echo the sentiment of the saints down through the ages... Amen, Come Lord Jesus!
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
More thoughts on change...
I have been thinking a great deal lately about change. Just some random thoughts here more for my own reflection than any one else's benefit...Of course, life is filled with changes from the very beginning of our lives we see change all around us in more ways than can be counted. At some point, it seems, we come to an understanding of some level of change that is barely discernable so much so that we view our lives as static. Our "change tolerance threshold" becomes greater and greater as we mature. But then, there are those moments where we do exede our "normal" level of change in life and things get out of balance. It isn't that they will never be back in balance again, but these times can threaten to overwhelm us if we are not centered in our thinking and in our faith.
Here's my own situation:
I had come to the place a little over 15 months ago that I was comfortable with the pace of life and had not been beyond my "change tolerance threshold". Life was going along fairly smoothly. Joey was approaching a year old. Marriage was something that had become quite comfortable. Ministry was going well. All was right with the world. Then in April my mother died. Ooops... the pace of change picked up. Then, the family of origin started to fall apart at the seams... Getting faster. Then the legal wrangling started within the family over greed and self-centeredness picked up and there were added demands on my time for these issues... Even faster down the track. Then Ian was born, then new ministry opportunities started coming along... And it got pretty intense around here. Through it all, I have been able to function. However, the level of effectiveness I was having in life dropped far below the level I am satisfied with.
Today, I find myself in a different place than I have been over these past many months. While there was a time a few months ago, I was quite possibly teetering on the edge of depression, I have pulled back from that precarious place and have felt the pervasive sense of melancholy that I wrote about yesterday. This may actually be a constructive emotion in some ways. I may even have bcome more thoughtful and reflective than I have ever been and I am beginning to think that this is a good thing. I also sense a return to a more satisfied feeling about life in general. My faith, my wife, and my children have truly remained a great source of strength and hope in my life through all of these many months. However, Jenny pointed out to me a couple of weeks ago something that I needed to hear. That being that I have not been my usual happy self in recent months. I think it has all been related to this sense of change and loss regarding my family of origin following my mother's death. No, I do not think it has been hopelessness or pessimism or anything like that. Primarily, I think it is just learning to get back to the place of tolerance of change. Of course, as I begin a new ministry in a new community, I will certainly expereince a great deal of change. However, I truly believe that this is proving to be a return to DIFFERENT change than I have been surrounded with since Mom died. I sense that the change that we are facing as we move to Wood River, is a more positive change and is something that will prove energizing and life-giving rather than the draining and negative change of these past 15 or so months.
Of course, there are uncertainties surrounding any new circumstance in life. But, there are new friendships to be formed, old friendships to be celebrated and affirmed, and new experiences to stretch and challenge me in healthy ways. Maybe my optimism and hope really are returning to me at the right moment in time... Just another affirmation of the truth that God is orchestrating things in ways that will be nourishing to my soul and glorifying to Him! Life is good: that much has never stopped being true... But the thing that is different now... I think it is simply that I can see again that it really is true.
Jenny and I also were able to find a few moments tonight for a reflective, thoughtful, deep discussion about these things and that few moments were very life-giving for me. Yet another reminder to me just how very much I love this woman!
I think I will be alright... No... I know I will! God Has blessed me beyond measure and FAR more than I deserve!
Here's my own situation:
I had come to the place a little over 15 months ago that I was comfortable with the pace of life and had not been beyond my "change tolerance threshold". Life was going along fairly smoothly. Joey was approaching a year old. Marriage was something that had become quite comfortable. Ministry was going well. All was right with the world. Then in April my mother died. Ooops... the pace of change picked up. Then, the family of origin started to fall apart at the seams... Getting faster. Then the legal wrangling started within the family over greed and self-centeredness picked up and there were added demands on my time for these issues... Even faster down the track. Then Ian was born, then new ministry opportunities started coming along... And it got pretty intense around here. Through it all, I have been able to function. However, the level of effectiveness I was having in life dropped far below the level I am satisfied with.
Today, I find myself in a different place than I have been over these past many months. While there was a time a few months ago, I was quite possibly teetering on the edge of depression, I have pulled back from that precarious place and have felt the pervasive sense of melancholy that I wrote about yesterday. This may actually be a constructive emotion in some ways. I may even have bcome more thoughtful and reflective than I have ever been and I am beginning to think that this is a good thing. I also sense a return to a more satisfied feeling about life in general. My faith, my wife, and my children have truly remained a great source of strength and hope in my life through all of these many months. However, Jenny pointed out to me a couple of weeks ago something that I needed to hear. That being that I have not been my usual happy self in recent months. I think it has all been related to this sense of change and loss regarding my family of origin following my mother's death. No, I do not think it has been hopelessness or pessimism or anything like that. Primarily, I think it is just learning to get back to the place of tolerance of change. Of course, as I begin a new ministry in a new community, I will certainly expereince a great deal of change. However, I truly believe that this is proving to be a return to DIFFERENT change than I have been surrounded with since Mom died. I sense that the change that we are facing as we move to Wood River, is a more positive change and is something that will prove energizing and life-giving rather than the draining and negative change of these past 15 or so months.
Of course, there are uncertainties surrounding any new circumstance in life. But, there are new friendships to be formed, old friendships to be celebrated and affirmed, and new experiences to stretch and challenge me in healthy ways. Maybe my optimism and hope really are returning to me at the right moment in time... Just another affirmation of the truth that God is orchestrating things in ways that will be nourishing to my soul and glorifying to Him! Life is good: that much has never stopped being true... But the thing that is different now... I think it is simply that I can see again that it really is true.
Jenny and I also were able to find a few moments tonight for a reflective, thoughtful, deep discussion about these things and that few moments were very life-giving for me. Yet another reminder to me just how very much I love this woman!
I think I will be alright... No... I know I will! God Has blessed me beyond measure and FAR more than I deserve!
things have changed a bit around here
Today was a bit of a strange day for me. Now that we have made our plans public regarding our move to Wood River, it just feels a bit strange as I go about my days in ministry. It is something akin to grieving the loss of a dear friend! I have truly loved my time here in Stonington even though it has not been without the occasional challenge. As I went today to see two of my shut-ins before they heard of my pending move to a new setting of ministry, it was difficult to realize that this decision to respond to God's leading in my life would cause pain to other people. It is a bit painful for me as well if I am honest about it. Strange how there is a balance and tension between opposing emotions even when it is something that God is clearly orchestrating. Wow, even as I write that, I see the irony in this as in all areas of life. In order to understand and appreciate one thing in life, the opposite must be lurking nearby... (Sounds very "Eastern"). But, it is no less true. Therein lies the bittersweet emotion of so much of my life of late. God is so very good to me and my family, but in the midst of all of that experience of goodness, I also sense a nearly all-consuming melancholy lurking just below the surface throughout most days. I have secured the prayer support of trusted friends and advisors and I am certain that the blessings of God will be sufficient in this new transition.
OK... enough philosopy... in other news. I talked to our realtor today. He called me to let me know that the whole house inspection on the new house is set for this coming Thursday morning at 11 am. I plan to be present for this as it will be helpful to know what the inspector finds if for no other reason than to plan and budget for potential repairs that may come down the road. My mortgage broker called me as well to let me know that all of our loan paperwork is in order and gave me the firm amount necessary for the down payment and other closing costs on the house on the 16th. Man, things are moving along!
Well, it is late... in fact it is already tomorrow... so bed is calling to me!
OK... enough philosopy... in other news. I talked to our realtor today. He called me to let me know that the whole house inspection on the new house is set for this coming Thursday morning at 11 am. I plan to be present for this as it will be helpful to know what the inspector finds if for no other reason than to plan and budget for potential repairs that may come down the road. My mortgage broker called me as well to let me know that all of our loan paperwork is in order and gave me the firm amount necessary for the down payment and other closing costs on the house on the 16th. Man, things are moving along!
Well, it is late... in fact it is already tomorrow... so bed is calling to me!
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Church Sign
they had my name on the sign at the church within 24 hours of our accepting the call to Wood River!
Much to report!
Now that we have informed our current church I can finally blog about our "vacation"... Yes, we were camping at Pere Marquette Stte park along the Illinois River in Grafton. But, the reason for our choice of destinations, was connected with our invitation to candidate for the position of Pastor of the First Baptist Church of Wood River, Illinois. Last Sunday, July 15, 2007. The Wood River Church extended a call to me which I accepted. We then spent the bulk of our time over the next few days looking at houses and we finally found the house we were looking for with the assistance of a wonderful realtor. We made an offer on the house and after some negotionation, we signed a contract on the house. We feel really good about it and it seems clear that God has been guiding our steps all along the way. It is bittersweet to be leaving our friends in Stonington... Over 11 years, they are not merely a church, but are indeed family! We will miss them greatly, but Wood River is not so far away that we cannot visit with them occasionally and they can certainly come to see us! I could blog much more than this, but there is still a great deal of sorting out of emotion and thought processes that needs to be done before I can put this all into words... until then, I will post a picture of the church sign in Wood River and a photo of what will be our new home.
Saturday, July 7, 2007
Vacation?
We are going to be going on vacation this next week and will be gone until the 20th of July. It should be a relaxing time, but then again, with all that is happening, it could be anything but relaxing. I am totally looking forward to spending the time with my wife and kids as we are camping at Pere Marquette State park and I am sure I will be postong pictures and expereinces both here and on my Flickr page for anyone who cares to look. I could come back from this trip with lots to say, or I could simply come back and resume business as usual around here. Either way, I am sure there will be reports after we return... or even a possible update during the trip if I can find an internet connection somewhere. We don't leave until Thursday the 12th, so I am sure I will post something before we go.
Thursday, July 5, 2007
When the cougar left home - News
When the cougar left home - News
I have been quoted in the paper again... you can read the article by clicking above. This goes back QUITE a while to my college days (20 years... MAN I am getting older!), but it was neat to talk to the reporter and then see my quotes in print again. And I have some renewed respect for the media as the quotes are even accurate! (And, yes, that is me in the photo... I actually had dark hair back then and plenty of it... here's the proof!)
I have been quoted in the paper again... you can read the article by clicking above. This goes back QUITE a while to my college days (20 years... MAN I am getting older!), but it was neat to talk to the reporter and then see my quotes in print again. And I have some renewed respect for the media as the quotes are even accurate! (And, yes, that is me in the photo... I actually had dark hair back then and plenty of it... here's the proof!)
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
is that a smile?
yesterday, Ian looked almost as if he was actually smiling and I had the camera handy to capture it. He is a contented baby, but seems so somber compared to Joey when she was little. Amazing to me how very different two children can be when they share the same gene pool.
on her tricycle
Joey and I were out in the yard last evening and after playing on the swing and walking all over the yard, we got out this tricycle that was given to us several months ago. Her feet wouldn't really reach the pedals, but she sure thought she was riding it as I pushed her from behind... I have so much fun when we have our play times like that... What exactly did I do for fun before these kids were born? Can life really get any better?
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